Altsad

*FOR EYES ONLY*

I’m writing this for my own safety. A dedicated record of the beings who will probably in some way bring about my downfall. There are three listed here, in descending order of potentially causing my doom. They are the villains to my super-barbarianism.

– Darwin

Allison Skancel

Aliases: Darwin’s Public Enemy Number 1, Kevin’s Roadie, and sometimes aliases starting with either the letter ‘B’ or ‘S’.

Bio: A wealthy heiress, who enjoys buying people and shoes, she became one of Kevin’s roommates just so she could get into his panties. Hatred of her may be the one thing that could possibly bind Kendra and Darwin together.

Super Powers: Banshee Death Talk, Mass of Cleavage, and The Ability to Afford Assassins.

Ronny “Hotdog” Fiveo

Aliases: Hotdog, Rumble-Belly

Bio: A big-city transplant who won the local hotdog eating championship, he loves puppies, Allison’s boobs, and long conversations about fictional martial art moves. Kind of heart and gullible, he is often taken advantage of by both people and literature, and may be the only man alive to have read all 24 parts of the handbook: “How to Be A Ninja and Fight Crime”.

Super Powers: Lifting Heavy Objects and Destroying Logic

Steve

Aliases: Creepy

Bio: Having suddenly appeared one day without anyone really knowing where he came from, he is the most mysterious of all of Kevin’s roommates. He rarely speaks, and when he does it’s as short as possible. Oddly enough, sounds of a dog barking can often be heard coming from his room late at night.

Super Powers: Vanishing Into Thin Air, Looking As If He Could Kill Someone, and Making All The Peanut Butter Disappear.